Lately I've been convicted of my lack of focus while listening—particularly when on the phone where eye contact and other body language is irrelevant and its easier to get away with not focusing.
In reality, I'm not "getting away with" anything. Last week, the tables turned and I realized again the impact my inattention can make. During a phone conversation, I heard the other person's fingers on her keyboard.
First, I thought, "how dare she multi-task during our conversation!" and then immediately, "how dare I cast the first stone?". That moment drove the point home: to communicate my value/respect for others, I must be fully present in my conversations.
Perhaps you've experienced this too? If so, these reminders may help you as they have me:
Technology:
For phone conversations, I put my computer to sleep or at the very least turn off email, Facebook and Twitter—especially any notifications that could pop up to distract me.
In person, I show courtesy by putting my phone away. Nothing screams "I'm not listening" more than continuing to check email or social media accounts during a conversation! Regardless what any Gen Y-er says, it's impossible to tune in to someone's words while scanning a news feed!
Eyes:
Sometimes even the books on my office shelves pull my attention away from listening while on the phone. By closing my eyes, I hear beyond the words someone speaks to the deeper emotions and tones. Nothing helps me stay fully present more than this.
In person, I obviously can't close my eyes, but I can maintain constant eye contact with the speaker. This is even more crucial in a busy venue (networking, conferences). Staying locked into their eyes communicates that they matter more than whatever activity surrounds us.
Margin:
Creating physical and mental space makes listening much easier. With phone appointments I try to stop other work early enough to give me time to collect my thoughts, review any notes, and sometimes close my eyes and pray in order to get focused.
If I get caught rushing to a phone appointment without this mental space, I'm not nearly as effective in listening or coaching. Margin slows me down and puts me in a better frame of mind to listen.
With face-to-face communication, when I cram my schedule with one appointment after the other, I'm in too much of a hurry to listen to anyone who comes across my path. But creating margin allows me more freedom to stop and listen to the checkout lady or the guy at the gym.
Check out Stephanies site: http://www.lifebeyondsport.com/
