Justin Pinkerman wrote another great article on for the Leadership Wired Newsletter that I get via email from John Maxwell's Maximum Impact website. The artcile talks about the leader's approach to handling difficult conversations. I can think back to talks with players, staff members, administrators and boosters and these guidelines are helpful reminders of how important a conversation can be in getting your point across properly. And just like a game, it's critical to prepare in advance.Find more great articles at:
1) CLARITY
In an effort to soften the blow, some leaders mislead difficult conversations and unintentionally create confusion. For instance, to avoid seeming overly stern, a leader may adopt a friendly, non-confrontational tone while attempting to deliver a sharp and serious message. The mismatch between the leader's posture and the leader's talking points leaves the listener feeling confused.
At other times, leaders simply talk around problems or euphemize to the extent that their core message loses its meaning. When initiating difficult conversations, a leader should use honest and direct language. Although it may not seem easy, clarity will help to facilitate resolution of the problematic conversation.
Preparation Tip: Before the conversation, write down the brief content of your message and devise a strategy for delivering it.
2) NEUTRALITY
Difficult conversations serve as emotional pressure cookers. When personal grudges and past injuries exist, a tough talk may unleash a torrent of anger and hurt. A leader must stay neutral and refuse to allow negative emotions to derail a difficult conversation.
While you cannot control the emotions of the person you're speaking to, you can make an effort to defuse them. Monitor your nonverbal messaging by adopting calm facial expressions, body language, and voice intonation. A poised demeanor goes a long way in draining the negative emotion out of a challenging conversation.
Preparation Tip: Before the conversation, take mental inventory of the mannerisms you adopt when angered. Awareness beforehand will help you to avoid provoking your listener with negative nonverbal signs in the heat of the moment.
3) TEMPERANCE
Avoid escalating a difficult conversation by moderating the use of extreme language. When speaking, phrase your ideas with words that convey your intent with respect. Heed the words of Wendell Johnson: "Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use."
Avoid escalating a difficult conversation by moderating the use of extreme language. When speaking, phrase your ideas with words that convey your intent with respect. Heed the words of Wendell Johnson: "Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use."
Preparation Tip: Role-play a difficult conversation with a friend to rehearse your lines. Although it may seem awkward, it's the best preparation for a tough talk.
